Excuses

The following is a list of excuses used in station and in on-train announcements to explain why trains are delayed or cancelled.

If you are looking for items that are "On the line", i.e. Cows on the line then you may want to look at the On the line page instead.

For made up/comical excuses, or those that are so bizarre they cannot be confirmed as real there's also the Comical Excuses page.

For announcements that are not just Excuses there's now the Announcements page.

The majority of these are also available on our Excuses Generator which allows you to receive a random excuse on your mobile!

Contents 1 A 2 B 3 C 4 D 5 E 6 F 7 G 8 H 9 I 10 K 11 L 12 M 13 N 14 O 15 P 16 Q 17 R 18 S 19 T 20 U 21 V 22 W 23 Y 24 I Broke the train 25 De-Icer failure 26 Connex 27 References

A

• A bit has fallen off the train - a First Capital Connect service from London Bridge to Brighton, Feb 17 2012
• A body on the line at XXX
• A broken "insert another TOCs name" train in the XXX area.
• A drunk man on the line (at Maidenhead, 1999)
• A problem currently under investigation
• A remarkable lack of investment in the infrastructure of the railway system by government
• Accountant - "We apologise for the poor service this evening, this is due to the new boss of London Underground being an accountant. Thank you."
• Adverse weather conditions
• Apparently the train is no longer terminating at Barking, but is in fact terminating here. I'm sorry about this but I to was under the impression that this train was going to Barking, but 'they' have other ideas. I mean why tell me - I'm just the driver.
• Armed escaped prisoner on track threatening trains.
• Awaiting free platform.
• Awaiting police assistance.

B

• Balloon on the overhead lines blocking Platform 11 at Birmingham New Street - London Midland tweet on Feb 22 2012
• Bicycle on the Line - Bicycle thrown onto the live line causing an Explosion at Woolston, Southampton
• Bomb scare.
• Bridge bash - also known as Bridge Strikes
• Broken rail.
• Broken wheel.
• Broken window on train being replaced.

C

• Camels on the line - Australia where thirsty camels being killed by trains regularly BBC
• Camp site on the line - a driver was told to drive under caution after reports of someone pitching their tent against the rail line
• Cancelled due to shortage of resources.
• Car heading towards us - "sorry for the delay, someone is headed towards us in a car."
• Cat welded to driver's cabin - Southwest trains once cancelled the service from Basingstoke to Surbiton due to a technical fault. Apparently a cat had electrocuted itself and became welded to the driver's cabin.
• Children surfing on the side of trains.
• Collapsed sewer - 'The train has been delayed due to the collapse of a Roman sewer at York.'
• Collision.
• Completely incompetent management at every level.
• Computer Failure.
• Conductor rail problem at Blackfriars
• Cow / sheep / dog / deer / swan / badger / llama / whatever on the line.
• Crew's taxi delayed.
• Criminal was under the train. (It turned out that the Police had taken possession of the track.)

D

• Defective bogie.
• Defective central locking.
• Delays to the service
• Delayed by freight train.
• Delayed due to the Royal Escort - the royal's can't be held up at any level crossings so the trains get delayed instead.
• Delayed due to people on train roof
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry for the delay. I have just been informed this is due to people on the roof of the train ahead. (Long pause, then sounding very quizzical) Yes you are probably thinking some of the things I am, but that's what I've been told by my control."
• Derailment.
• Deranged female on line (SC of Leeds - King's Cross train, North of Finsbury Park, circa 1994)
• Diverted from normal route. (Then while diverted, driver missread incorrectly set signals, so went into Ferrybridge power station.)
• Driver abandons train
• Driver / guard late for work.
• Driver has been hit by a Seagull - Southeastern Tonbridge station Feb 17 2011^[1]
• Driver has been asked to check the overhead equipment for damage.
• Driver having his teabreak.
• Driver held up in motorway traffic jam.
• Driver's taxi got lost on way to station.
• Driver walked of to collect kids from school.
• Due to a problem with station lighting, trains are unable to call at Harpenden - via RoxyMartinique on twitter, Feb 28 2012
• Due to difficulties
• Due to no reason whatsoever - heard at Fleet.
• Due to the general imcompetence of British Rail.
• Due to the weather (rain).

E

• Eaves on the line - A roof had blown off a house next to the railway line. The conductor announced to passengers (with great glee) "The train is delayed due to eaves on the line."
• Emergency stop due to passenger boarding the wrong train.
• Earlier late running.
• Electricity turned off
• Exploding pigeon (apparently the wires at Kings Cross Thameslink are quite low and a bird flying between the wire and the roof causes 25kV to earth itself on the train via the bird!)
  • "This train is delayed due to an exploding pigeon."
• Excessive Dust - an announcement on the Jubilee line in Feb 2011 that Baker St was closed
• Excessive vomit - BBC Programme about the tube broadcasted "Im sorry for the late cancellation of this train, this was due to excessive vomit in the carriages" - BBC2 Feb 20 2012

F

• Failure of another train on the route.
• Failure of safety equipment at stations (eg DOO monitors).
• Female patient on line....
• Ferret ate driver's cheese sandwiches - a ferret escaped its handler and terrified passengers before making its way into the driver's cab, whereupon it broke into his lunchbox and ate his cheese sandwiches.
• Fire alarm sounding at station XX.
• 'many first class carriages are being refurbished' - excuse given by Southeastern for short formed services, Feb 2012
• Flamingo on the line - circa 1974 near Penscynor having escaped from the wildlife park there
• Flooded line.
• Flying Pigs - a two-hour journey from Kings Cross to York ending up taking seven hours, three trains and one coach. We were finally told this was "due to a hurricane which had caused pigs to fly".
• Fog causing delays between Peterborough and Stevenage - Network Rail tweet, Mar 15 2012 twitter.com
• Foil on the line - The wrapper of a sandwich carelessly discarded caused the entire Piccadilly line to grind to a halt in Feb 2000 causing London Underground to erect a sign telling commuters: "Delays will occur following an earlier interruption due to foil on the line. Please take your litter home with you. Thank you." The sandwich wrapper had trig-gered a signal failure at Hatton Cross.
• Frozen points.

G

• Golf unbrella on the line - Dec 2000 & 400 passengers at Sevenoaks station by almost an hour after a metal golfing umbrella fell on a live section of track.

H

• Herons mating.
• Horse on the line.

I

• I don't know what the problem is, I'll just have a look (SC on Virgin Cross Country service at Oxford, early Nov 1996)
• I apologise for the delay but the computer controlling the signalling has the Monday morning blues.
• I apologise for the delay, caused by trying to fit too many trains on too little track.
• I apologise for the delays to your service this evening this evening, This is due to... well, it's just a crap service, isn't it?
• Ice on the line.
• Icicles in tunnel - Greater Anglia services into Liverpool St delayed after power was turned off due to icicles - Feb 9 2012
• Incident.
• I'm lost^[2] - Train driver admits he doesn't know where he is. The train was either for Gillingham or Sevenoaks - both on different lines
• I'm pleased to announce that the 8.38 is actually on time. This remarkable occurence is due to a following wind.
• I won't tell you how late the 8.58 is, but copies of War And Peace are now available at the bookstall.
• illegal immigrants on the line - announcement about a delay at Wembley Central, The police were chasing them up the track and requested all power be turned off. ^[3]

K

• Kangaroo on the line - "colleague once stopped to report a Kangaroo on the line at Shrepreth"

L

• Landslide.
• Large Passenger Flow^[4] when Southeastern cancelled trains due to too many passengers
• Late arrival of stock from the depot.
• Late arrive of incoming service.
• Late running engineering work.
• Late running proceeding trains.
• Leaves on the line.
• Level crossing failure.
• Lineside fire.
• Lion or Lion & Cub on the line, Nov 6 2011 Shepley, West Yorkshire
• Slippery rails caused by crushed Locusts

M

• May I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, round, filthy and smells, this is a train and not a bin on wheels.
• Mechanical failure of train.
• Missing Pensioners - apparently they were over 100 years old!

N

• Newspaper on the line - actually on the Victoria Line Oct 14 2011 it blocked the points closing the line south of London Victoria^[5]
• No driver / guard.
• 'No refreshments on this morning's service as the Travelling Chef was stolen from our depot'

O

• Old lady sitting on the live rail - apparently she actually survived this
• Operating difficulties.
• Ostrich on the line - Between Crowcombe and Stogumber on West Somerset Railway about ten years ago. Took about five minutes before the ostrich decided to walk off the track
• "outbreak of buddleia" - excuse for delays during June 2000 by Railtrack - a strange excuse, given that the purple-flowered plant has long been associated with railway sidings and does tend to flower every summer - similar, in fact, to the way trees shed their leaves each autumn. But still Railtrack insisted that the unusually humid summer had created the perfect climate for the plant, which had consequently embedded itself into brickwork at many stations, outbuildings and bridges across the network.
• Overhanging tree branches (at Market Harborough)

P

• Passenger sick onboard train.
• Passenger taken ill on board service.
• Person by the side of the line with a rifle
• Pigeon droppings fell on our signals
  • June 2000 - A 13 hour delay in Ashford, Kent was caused by the droppings of a single pigeon. Railtrack said it had landed on a vital component at a power sub-station, wreaking havoc with signalling. The Railtrack spokesman further explained: "Our engineers are happy to report that the pigeon survived."
• Points failure.
• Pony on the line^[6] outside Gravesend. It ended up walking away
• Poor rail conditions (leaves on the line).
• Portakabin blocking the line (It was very windy that day, and one had toppled over and was blocking the up fast and the two down lines between Watford Gap and Milton Keynes.)
• Power collection shoe damaged on a train near Elephant & Castle
• Power failure at signal box.
• Power failure.
• Power surge at Southwark Park Sub Station
• Problem with the doors.

Q

• Quarantined due to Foot and Mouth - a train ran over a sheep and the vet had to be called to disentangle it. Then the train was quarantined because of the foot and mouth.

R

• Railway is too Dry^[7]
• Red light causing delay.
• Rat self destructed whilst chewing through signalling cables.
• Rodent damage to signal cabling^[8]
• Report of open door on proceeding service thus forming a check of the line.
• Returning a football^[9] after the Driver stops train to return a lost ball outside Cambridge
• Rugby related problems (on Reading - Waterloo services after a Rugby watch at Twickenham).
• Rioting football supporters on train.
• Running on one power car

S

• Shortage of trains in the West Country.
• Signalling fault.
• Signalman's decided to send us down a non-electrified line
• Signalman's decided to send us via the branch instead of the main line
• Slippery rails all over the country (given at Surbiton)
• Snow on the line.
• Snow at North Pole (Eurostar depot - so they can't get any trains in or out).
• Some charlie's used an alarm handle as a coat hook (given on a London-Bedford Thameslink train)
  • The current delay is due to some charlie using an alarm handle as coat hook.
• Some prat attempting suicide
• To a platform of passengers waiting for the train from Woking to Waterloo. Delays were caused because somebody had climbed on to the signals near Weybridge and was taking pot shots at passing trains.^[10]
• "Sorry about the delay so far, and that we continue to run at a reduced speed. If you would like to look outside through the right hand windows, you will see quite a lot of water".
• sorry for going so slow. We seem to have lost the power units at the rear" - A southeastern train Feb 17 2012
• "Sorry for the late running of this train, this is due to a train on the platform in front of us…" - Southeastern Feb 22 2012
• Squashed squirrels on windscreen
• Staff shortage.
• Stock is currently frozen to the rails in Letchworth.
• Suicide.

T

• Tanking train toilet - They are refilling the water tanks, which is something Southeastern do not do
• Technical problems.
• The xxxx train is delayed due to roadworks at Lewes - The roadworks were next to a level crossing and the crossing was being operated by hand in sync with traffic signals.
• The fing train's broken down. (Given at Milton Keynes)
• The police have asked us to lock the doors and await their clearance because they are onboard to make an arrest (ECML darlington 1996)
• The signalbox computer's just crashed (it's running Windows, what d'you expect? :-)
• The doors won't close (on a 455 with defective doors at London Waterloo)
• The wrong type of boat on the line (During rain and strong winds a boat was blown onto the line between Dawlish and Teignmouth.
• There will be no further trains due too a giraffe becoming entangled in the overhead wires (given at Fenchurch Street during a particuly bad evening.) - CONFIRMED as a giraffe is a piece of equipment used to maintain the overhead wires. Named as such as its tall & can reach things high up.
• Theft of cables.
• This service is delayed due to the train catching fire on its previous journey
• This train is delayed as the guard has been taken away by the police. We hope to find you another one in half an hour. (Guard arrested for excess ticket fraud by plainclothes)
• The train now arriving on platform one is on fire. Passengers are advised not to board this train - Announcement at Bournemouth station:^[11]
• Train being diverted.
• Train damaged by track near Farringdon
• Train is delayed due to Madonna (at Liverpool Street, 1995(?) Great Eastern decided to hold the last train of the evening to allow concert-goers to return from Wembley)
• Train proceeding at caution due to report of shopping trolley on line.
• Train receiving fitter's attention.
• Trainspotters on the line (near Grantham, in 1999)
• 12 foot Trampoline on the line that was blown out of a neighbouring guarden - Jan 5th 2012 outside Cuxton blocking the Medway Valley Line between Maidstone West & Strood
• Tree blocking onto line.
• Trespassers.
• Two fat ladies at chatham - "We apologise for the delays and cancellations. This is due to two fat ladies at Chatham." The announcement of two fatalities at Chatham had become corrupted along the line.

U

• Unknown problem

V

• Vandal dropping object down tunnel ventilation shaft.
• Vandalism.

W

• Waiting for the driver:
  • Waiting for the other driver (Birmingham New Street 1994, when HSTs needed 2 drivers)
  • "We're...erm...sorry for the delay. This is because the train is waiting for a new driver. Not that there was anything wrong with the old one. But...well, we're waiting for the new one."
• We apologise for the delay. This is because we have arrived early
• We apologise for the delay. I know you're dying to get home... unless you're married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross the footbridge and head off in the opposite direction.
• We apologise for the late arrival of the train at Norwich. This was due to a delay.
• We apologise for the late departure from Norwich. It was a result of the driver having his car wheel-clamped.
• We apologise for the late arrival of the train from Manchester. This was due to trespassers fighting on the lines at Wilmslow
• We are being held here waiting for other trains to clear the London area - Southeastern Mar 28 2012
• We are now approaching Manchester Picadilly. On the behalf of Virgin trains I'd like to apologise that you had to put up with such an awful journey and can only hope that your day doesn't get any worse.
• We don't know what we're doing
• We wish to apologise most sincerely to the passengers who have recently arrived on the Royal Highlander from Inverness. Your train was delayed for several hours due to a locomotive failure near Drumochter. Then the overhead wires came down near Wigan, so your train was diverted via Manchester. A passenger was taken ill, causing the train to have to wait for an ambulance to arrive at Stockport. Finally, you were diverted via Northampton, due to signalling equipment failure south of Rugby!
• "were forced to cancel trains because the overhead power lines were either melting and at best wen't functioning correctly..."
• We're lost
• We've run out of sand^[12] - Southeastern driver's excuse for slippery rails
• Welcome aboard the Flintstones railway. Once I get my feet on the floor and start running we should be on our way.
• When the gentleman on platform four has finished his phone conversation, would he kindly tell us how he gets a mobile service here when the rest of us can't?
• Wrong kind of cloud^[13] - Southern electrostar refused to open the doors as clouds were blocking the GPS signal
• Wrong kind of snow.
• Wrong kind of soil

Y

• Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside.

I Broke the train

'This was on a WAGN service from King's Cross to Cambridge on a Sunday evening in May of 1997. "Ladies and gentlemen..... I just broke the train. [He paused, perhaps deliberately; he *definitely* sounded sheepish.] Fortunately, we've found a replacement, so if you'd like to make your way over to platform (whichever it was), we'll be departing in a few minutes." (At the appointed time, the train had rumbled ominously, shuddered about six feet down the track, then stopped. The driver made this announcement about a minute later.)'

De-Icer failure

'I am sorry for the 3 hour delay this afternoon, but unfortunately the De-Icer (or should that be Sandite) in front of us has laid a too thinner layer of solution on the rails this afternoon and this unit (it was 456020) is far too light to cope with the current rail conditions.'

Connex

'Connex customer services apologises for the Cancellation of the 13:09 service from Tattenham Corner to Charing Cross but the driver has mislaid the paper with his duty on it whilst assisting to recover a failed train in the London Bridge area (whereas in fact they were short of staff!!!)'

References

1. ↑ Birds causing delays trainwatch.co.uk
2. ↑ This is kent Nov 17 2011, Retrieved Nov 22 2011
3. ↑ Telegraph retrieved Dec 30 2011
4. ↑ trainwatch.co.uk retrieved December 7, 2011
5. ↑ @TomSEdwards on twitter with confirmation from TFL, retrieved Oct 14, 2011
6. ↑ Twitter.com by National Rail Enquiries on Nov 21 2011
7. ↑ Daily Mail Retrieved Mar 30 2012
8. ↑ Network rail say kings x disruption last night caused by "rodent damage" to signal cabling ..., @TomSEdwards Twitter, Sept 27 2011
9. ↑ Cambridge News Nov 8 2011, retrieved Nov 22 2011
10. ↑ Telegraph retrieved Dec 30 2011
11. ↑ Telegraph retrieved Dec 30 2011
12. ↑ A new train of thought in rail excuses Guardian, retrieved Feb 22 2012
13. ↑ Clouds are 'new leaves' in rail excuses Metro, unknown date, retrieved Feb 22 2012